Can’t Tell Me Different

You can’t tell me different

When all I know is pain

And the only positive words heard

Are those that put me to shame

And I’m constantly searching for something

Other than myself to blame

Call me beautiful

Call me fine

Call me sexy

Call me a dime

But visual don’t get you nowhere

Without a soul to shine

And all I keep wondering is,

Is loving me a crime

You can’t tell me different

When I realized all it was, was sex

And the constant attempts to take it further

Resulted in unreturned texts

And after laying it all on the line

I wasn’t even worth loving, cause you moved right on to the next

Call me beautiful

Call me fine

Call me sexy

Call me a dime

But visual don’t get you nowhere

Without a soul to shine

And all I keep wondering is,

Is loving me a crime

You can’t tell me different

When you constantly beat me down

And wonder why I’m sometimes depressed

When optimistic words in your mouth aren’t found

And why I’d rather hear music than you

Cause it’s such a sweeter sound

Yeah I put on a front

On my face is a smile

But inside my soul is dying

And its you pushing the coffin down the aisle

Drowned in a sea of negative tongues

Seemed to have had me bound

So I’m turning my ear from you

While he polishes my crown

And the past doesn’t seem to care

About the wrong its done

They just move on knowing

Their deed was done

& I don’t wanna hear “he’s coming’

Don’t wanna hear “he’s being molded”

When you got someone to share your struggles, joys & time

Yeah you can, Call me beautiful

Call me fine

Call me sexy

Call me a dime

But visual don’t get you nowhere

Without a soul to shine

What I really want to know is,

Is loving me a crime

©Written by an unpolished “Jewel” 05/03/2009 2:00 am in the morning after watching Cadillac Records

Untitled

I want to hide
afraid he won’t love what’s inside
I want to push him away
before love dies
before I make too many assumptions
before distance becomes near
I want to know what true love is
so I can give it to him
I want to let love, love me

I want to be freed from my clouded mind
that causes me to want to be left alone
friends think I’m being funny
but I just need space
I need to learn what’s best for me
I want to hide in my thoughts
and get through the maze
of uncertainties that still lie within me

I want to know my own melody
so I can stop writing to others tunes
to other’s pains, to other’s groans
or better yet other’s joys

I’m tossing and turning with my insecurities
night after night
wishing I was wrestling with sheets of his love
help me be at peace
with the feathers on my wings
with the love you placed inside of me
with who you destined me to be

Help me to love the bird
I constantly push away
after serenading me with affection
when she feels alone
or help her accept the love you have sent
remove fear from within
give her peace that where she’s headed
is better than where’s she’s been
show him she’s as fragile as strings on a violin
but give him strength to be there for her as her healing begins
Some say she should be over it now
Lord, help her to heal

Jewel © 2008

He Called Me Beautiful

He called me beautiful
But I didn’t recognize
That he was talking to me
My self-esteem was so low
and I was to naïve to know
how beautiful I could be

he called me beautiful
and I turned and looked
cause for years I took my beauty for granted and didn’t know my worth
I didn’t think anyone paid attention to anything but my ass cause that’s all some guys seem to ask

He called me beautiful but it wasn’t dang shorty as I walked past or
Dang look at that @$#
So I didn’t recognize how beautiful I was
I didn’t know he was talking to me cause
These thighs weren’t wrapped around his head
And he wasn’t sreaming out my name
Nor was I flipped over and his hands squeezing me tight
These breasts weren’t being sucked & licked by his tongue
Nor was this clit wasn’t being teased
Nor the inside of these walls being banged

When he called me beautiful I didn’t hear and was too naïve to know
Cause my head was covered from head to toe
I was laid before God’s presence pouring out my soul
Ready to give up on life right there at his feet
Cause my soul felt the pressure of defeat
And my promiscuous acts didn’t feel that void
But his love was real and everlasting so I began to worship
So he came into my life and rescued me
And picked me up off my feet

And when I finally opened my eyes and I begin to realize
What a shame it was all that time when he saw something beautiful it was me


Or could it be that it didn’t come from who I wanted it to be

Jewel @2006

Free Love

I’m on a quest for love
Not just any kind
But the kind that’s free!
Not just the kind where bodies are entwined,
But a love that’s just for me.

Disengaged from obstructions,
Unblocked & unbound
Unaffected by repercussions,
No restraints or restrictions,
No convictions or afflictions
No additions or another woman’s jurisdiction!
Snap your fingers sisters if you can
Or am I the only one that’s been hit on by a married man?

Exempt from drama by another lover
Able to go out to dinner w/o being under cover
Available, not attached
And all feelings for others are detached
Able to act on his own will
& Able to go out in public and just chill
Unshackled & free of obstacles, just enjoying liberty
Come on sisters I’m talking about free

Not the love that has to creep behind closed doors
But the kind that takes time to explore
Me freely from the outside of my torso to my inner core
Without interruptions, help me unwind my day
A love that has the freedom to maybe stay & play

I’m on a quest for love
Not just any kind
The kind that never holds back because of past pains or hurts
The kind that values my worth
I mean the kind that’s free
Not just the kind where bodies are entwined
But a love that’s just for me!


Jewel © April 2005

A Need to be Filled

I hear so many say
“You’re so beautiful; you have to have a man”
But beauty is only skin deep.
There’s an empty vessel waiting to be filled inside
And every night I have laid and cried.
Longing for someone to take the chance
To love me and for our souls to dance,
For someone to hold me when I break down inside,
To encourage me when my past creeps in
And to be my hands when mine seem tied

So I come to you LORD
For contentment in my state
Till you clean me, shape me, mold me and make me
Bring light back into my soul
Where despair has opened a dark & empty hole
Teach me what love is
Help me to know what is real
Show me the correct way to love
Inside out, help me to be as beautiful as a dove.

The joy they say no one can take away,
Has felt like it’s gone astray
And the tears I used to be able to control
Only seem to continuously roll.
LORD I just need to feel your comfort again
Because this cover-up, I feel I can no longer maintain.
I want to move forward and forgive myself for the things in my past
But I need your guidance and I need it fast
Right now I need your comfort and not another disappointment from another person
And I need to be healed,
LORD I need to be filled

Jewel © February 2006